Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
