Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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