I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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