I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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