The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
