Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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