why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
there is glitter all over my balls
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