goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
