Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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