he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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