I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize