I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
