I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
