By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
