what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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