i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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