summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
