"it" just moved
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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