it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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