Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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