Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Someone signed my nipple.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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