Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
