Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
