With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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