i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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