She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
