The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
PANTIES FOUND
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