did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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