A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
