"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper