yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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