ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
