forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize