I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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