u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
