If i come over, it means nothing
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
