Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Found your dick twin last night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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