I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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