well you can't waste a boner
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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