Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think my fart just growled at me.
In America we eat man semen.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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