He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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