I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
