i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
