I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
