He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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