don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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