I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
