Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
