I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
