ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
