In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
