I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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