hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize