I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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