either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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