That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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