she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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