dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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