he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
