okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
