my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
