You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
either way he was missing a nipple.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize