I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
