oh god the rape fog is back!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
