so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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