make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
