New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
