When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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