I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
